Anyone who knows me or knew me about 10 years ago knows music has always been my life. Its a quiet talent and desire the Lord has given me. At one point it was my dream. I was going to become a famous artist and share my music. I posted many videos on youtube from a VERY young age and they are great blackmail if you’re ever looking for some. I had a passion and I was so determined.
Just like any other passions, with life and pain, it did start to fade. Now I worship in church and sing to my baby girl. And that is fine by me. I do often have one particular song that plays on repeat in my head.
Goodness of God. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. I find myself singing it while doing dishes or getting ready or putting Everleigh’s laundry away. And I wonder, why this song in particular stands out in my brain. I choose to believe that God uses music to speak to me and reach me in ways other things can’t. Given my history with music, it might come as a surprise to you that worship music was never really one of my favorites to listen to. Nowadays they all sound the same. The best worship in my opinion is that of 90s worship. Michael W. Smith, Rebecca St. James… you know, the old school stuff. It’s nostalgic and raw. Its slow and for me just authentically about worshiping the Lord and less about me. Yet something about these lyrics feel so relatable to that type of worship.
“All my life you have been faithful. All my life you have been so so good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God. – Your goodness is running after, its running after me. With my life laid down, I surrender now. I give you everything.”
I feel like in the season of my life, this theme of surrender has been in my face. Even in my past blogs at the beginning of the year, you can see where God almost quite literally slapped me in the face with the word surrender. He isn’t asking. He is commanding. Answering that call comes so easy some days. Others it feels impossible. This weight and pain I’ve been dealing with for nearly a year has been so incredibly heavy. It feels as if there is no end in sight.
Yet, lately, I have felt the Lord pulling me back to Him through music. I’m not sure if its to write. Maybe to worship. Maybe just to sing and share. I honestly don’t know, but I truly feel in my heart that He is going to use this pain through music to glorify Him one way or another. Stay tuned….
The Grace-filled Home 