Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a mom. Most of us women do. It’s this kind of innate thing God hand-crafted intentionally into our design as women. We were given this incredible ability to nurture and care for these little people and in my case it just clicked. It came so naturally to me. For that I am thankful. The process of becoming a mother is not just an overnight process. As we all know. It takes refinement, growth (literally) and a lot of learning. Entering motherhood I was really relying a lot on natural instinct and thankfully it worked for most things. I only used google 400 times instead of 500 lol.
Really though, as Everleigh has grown and we have talked about adding more babies to our family, I have thought a lot about how I speak to her and what example I am setting. More recently as things have happened with my own family, I have thought about what impact I will have on her life. What I say to her will absolutely shape how she views herself. I have such a unique and special opportunity to build up her confidence and help shape her into a kind, selfless and strong young lady. The best way I can think to do that is to lead by example.
Truthfully, when I look at her, I see the most beautiful creation in existence. Now it might be mom goggles, but I am truly so in awe of her. She is a miracle. My body created her from scratch. Like WHAT?! It grew her, fed her, birthed her (kinda? I had a c-section), then produced milk that gave her every bit of nutrients she needed to survive and stay healthy. She is so smart and kind and funny. I cannot fathom ever not looking at her like she’s the most incredible thing to ever exist because she is. As her momma, I am so proud of her. I am so proud of every milestone, every word, everything. She is just magical.
I have often thought back to my own childhood. How incredibly insecure I was. Sometimes because of things my parents said ignorantly. Sometimes because of other kids’ bullying or not fitting the “ideal” beauty standard. I was often deemed as annoying, weird, obnoxious and kind of an ugly duckling. When in reality, I was going through such a formative time of my life and just needed people who truly deeply loved me as I was to pour into me. I think about how some things and situations still stick with me. They seem minor and probably didn’t seem that important when they happened, but they must be important enough if I still remember them decades later, right? This is where our words come in. Even what seems like a harmless joke to one, can quickly become someone else’s growing insecurity. I never want to do that to anyone, but especially not my own child.
Now listen closely, I am not sitting here on my high and mighty throne pretending that I am a perfect mom and don’t/won’t ever say things I regret. Of course I do. Of course I will. However, what I’m not going to do is pretend that she is the problem for being hurt by MY words. If I ever hurt her feelings, I want to be the type of parent to take accountability. The type to have integrity and display kindness and an apologetic attitude. All of these are extremely important. I practice them even now. If I am disciplining her when she disobeys and I get a little too frustrated, I immediately apologize because I never want her to be scared of me. I give her hugs and kisses and I ask for her to forgive me. This is what I mean by setting the example. But it goes so much deeper.
Since things in my own life have been a rollercoaster of a million feelings, emotions and whatever else, I have been really convicted on the idea of how I represent myself to my daughter when it comes to faith. How do I fight my battles? What example am I setting for her when I am in pain. Do I turn to substance, money, or something else? Or do I turn to the Lord in fervent prayer? Do I fall in worship to the Lord? Do I buckle down in my quiet time with the Lord? It reminds me of a song I love by Phil Wickham called “Battle Belongs.”
“So when I fight, I’ll fight on my knees with my hands lifted high, Oh God, the battle belongs to you.”
This is the type of faith I want to set the example of for my daughter. The type of fearless, surrendered faith that looks fear in the eyes and says, “Absolutely not.” If there is ONE thing my children take away from how their dad and I raised them, I pray it’s Jesus. Everything else pales in comparison. Jesus is eternal. I think so much of my words, my actions, and my intentionality. I want this little human I am raising to grow up knowing she is always loved and valued. At every age and stage, I am here to hold her, love her, and care for her. There will never be a time in which I will put myself above her because my love as her mom is supposed to be sacrificial. Jesus set the ultimate example of sacrificial love. I can only hope to be a steward of the gift of motherhood by treating it like the ministry it is instead of a heavy burden. I will leave you with this,
1 Corinthians 10:31
“So, wether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
The Grace-filled Home 