Have you ever heard of the “sundown scaries”? I hadn’t until my daughter was about 2 months old. I was getting ready to go back to work and noticed every evening I would get crippling anxiety. I couldn’t sleep unless I heard her move or breathe a certain number of times in the night. I was suddenly stressed about every single thing imaginable. It was like as soon as the sun went down, the anxiety freight train came full speed at my head. Once we moved Ev into her own room it eventually got better. She became more independent and slept better and therefore we did too. My sundown scaries started to slowly melt away. Then the seasonal depression started to set in.
I’ve always loved summer. I grew up on the lake, hiking, playing outside. It has always been my favorite time of year. However, if you know anything about Arizona (where we live now) it’s HOT. Like super hot. I can already hear the “at least its a dry heat” comments. As if having every ounce of water sucked out of your body by the sun somehow makes it more bearable lol. Anyway, I’ve decided (yes self-diagnosed so don’t get your britches twisted) that I struggle with some form of seasonal depression. I get migraines in the heat and let’s be honest unless there’s shade and a body of water, its not enjoyable to be outside in 110+ degree weather. It truly makes me sad, sluggish, unmotivated and downright miserable. I truthfully hate not being able to take my baby on walks or go hiking or camping by the lake. When you add it altogether with my own deep thoughts of insecurity and struggle, it becomes something that feels impossible to ignore and even harder to fix.
Then there’s the struggle of body image. Going from being a tall 120lbs and size 2 to being 145lbs and hovering between a size 8 and a 10. And to think I was insecure before I had a baby. Silly me. I don’t have stretch marks, but I do have a lower belly that is more often than not mistaken for a baby bump by friends and strangers alike. It’s embarrassing and honestly exhausting. I’ve spent more hours than I’d like to admit crying and mourning the cute, tight and perfectly tiny body I had before becoming a mom.
What do all of these things have in common? They are all struggles of the mind. It’s easy to nod people off when they tell you they are hurting or struggling, because our problems will always be more important and bigger than someone else’s. “If only they knew how hard I have it”. It’s easy to jump to “self love” and quick fixes. But reality is these things are all a result of spiritual attacks and lack of habits. At least in my case they are.
You see, the anxiety I have now still comes at night. I wake up and can’t really go back to sleep so I lay in bed tossing and turning. Stressing about money, how many chores are left to do, if I’m spending enough intentional time with my husband and my daughter. Worrying about my work schedule, because it feels incredibly overwhelming with such a lack of consistency. Beating myself up for not being perfect or even half decent at the things I need to do. I know what need to be fixed, but I just don’t know how to form the habits to get there. I know that my faith is hanging by a thread. I know that I don’t honor the body God gave me. I know that I don’t invest in my marriage the way I should. I know that I am the only person who can make a change. It all starts with faith. Every single thing that has, does or ever will exist leads back to one thing: JESUS. I’m learning how to navigate this daily. It’s not a one time cure-all. In fact, most things are bandaids. Just temporary fixes until the pipes burst again. So I’ve decided to make a list of questions to ask myself regarding the struggles of my mind and I have also found scripture to meditate on that correlates to combat those struggles.
Anxiety
Question: “What is truly causing my anxiety? Is it a lack of control? A lack of time management? Is it fear? What does God tell me to do with my anxiety?”
Bible verses:
- Philippians 4:6-7 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
- 1 Peter 4:7 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.“
Depression
Question: “What can I do to better combat the spiritual attack of things out of my control (like the weather and seasons)? What does God ask me to do with what I have?”
Bible verses:
- Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; the rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
- Matthew 11:28 “Then Jesus said, ‘ Come to me all of you who are eary and acarry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.’“
- Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
- Psalms 38:8-9 “I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart. You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh.”
Body Image
Question: “What can I personally do to help shift my mindset regarding my body image? What habits can I acquire and apply to help reset my perspective on my body?”
Bible verses:
- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”
- Psalms 139:14 “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it.”
- Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.”
Thoughts and Habits
Bible Verses:
- Philippians 4:8-9 “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on whatever is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me – everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.“
- Proverbs 18:9 “A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things.”
- Colossians 3:10 “Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your creator and become like him.”
- Ephesians 4:22-24 “Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy.”
As always, I don’t have all the perfect answers and I don’t have all the perfect habits. I am learning just the same as you. I want to thank you for being here, supporting me and helping this journey feel a little less lonely. Love you all.
The Grace-filled Home 