Discovering Purpose

When thinking about the word purpose, what comes to mind? Maybe its your career. Maybe your dreams. Maybe some big goals you set for yourself.

Purpose is defined as “the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.”

So when defining your purpose, does this dictionary definition change your answer?

I never thought much of the word purpose until it was something I was forced to face. In 2019, I underwent some of the most difficult decisions and lessons of my entire life. Leading into 2020, I wanted a fresh start and a big change in my life. I struggled a lot to find my way back to my relationship with God and to prioritize the right choices instead of the wrong ones. It took me a few months to “get my life together,” but once I did, I felt so powerful and unstoppable. That is, until Covid hit the world. I went from 13 weeks straight, 4 days a week of consistently working out and caring about my appearance, going to church and making the most incredible travel plans to nothing. I still had a great job (thank you, Jesus). But I quickly started to struggle with difficult friendships, a bad living situation, and my own personal demons. All while the world was shutting down and the definition of “normal” started to change.

It became very hard to hold onto hope. I started to get more upset with God for certain feelings and friendships taking their inevitable route. The entire time, my very best friend was married, pregnant and had moved across the country. I got VERY lonely.

One day while at work, my sister stopped by to visit and asked me about joining an organization called YoungLife. I knew of it because I had attended a few times in high school, but I wasn’t very familiar with it. I reached out to the area director and sort of “interviewed” to be a leader. Before I even knew it, I was involved in leadership training every Tuesday evening during the entire summer of 2020. It was in that group that I learned about purpose. I learned that God’s purpose for me at that point in time was to give Him 100% of myself, including my problems, relationships, friendships and hurts. It was so hard to unlearn bad habits and detach myself from the life I had previously been living.

Shortly after I started leadership training, I moved out of the bad living situation and back in with my parents. Three days later, my car took its final breath. So now here I was, 23 years old, living with my parents, and car-less. Believe it or not, I was actually the happiest I had ever been in life at that point. All because I had JESUS. My purpose didn’t change just because my circumstances did. That fall I went on my first leader retreat to Lost Canyon YoungLife Camp. And let me tell you, my whole world was changed. In a matter of three days, I had heard 5 talks about Biblical leadership from long-times leaders in ministry. I had done group exercises and attended “classes” that taught me so much about Biblical leadership with kids who may have never experienced Jesus’ love before. It was eye-opening. Within the month, I was leading middle schoolers on a weekly basis and I was in love with it. I struggled with a lot financially, but my peace was like never before.

Around this same time, I started writing in a brand new journal. I decided I was going to stick with this one for sure. (And I have to say, I did a pretty good job. It’s been almost 2 years and I did eventually get away from it, but that book is almost completely full.) Anyway, I started spending at least one hour every evening reading my Bible, writing in my book, and talking to God. I can easily say my relationship with Christ has never been so strong in my entire life. It was so beautiful, and the blessings that came with it were even more beautiful. My purpose felt so clear.

Fast forward to January of 2021, I had made friends with some of the other leaders and they invited me to come live in a house they were all renting. I was SO EXCITED. However, I still didn’t have a car. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get anywhere and especially to work and back home every day. But God made a way.

In the first few weeks of my living there, I got used to being at home a lot and not spending much time anywhere else. As I’m sure you can guess, I talked to God a lot then too. I spent hours on my mornings off writing in my book, reading my Bible and budgeting. Then finally by early February of 2021, I was financially in the position to buy a car. It was such a blessing that I had honestly taken for granted before. This is right before everything in my life really took off.

I remember the first couple weeks of February, I had just made a really hard decision that was a LONG time coming. I chose to truly give God my singleness. I even talked about it on an Instagram live video. I shared with my friends and followers about how I was truly ready to give God every bit of me and that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship again for a long time. (Mind you, at this point I had been officially single for about a year.) And you will never guess what happened next.

Three weeks after I posted that video, I took my middle school kids to winter camp at Lost Canyon. All weekend, the girls kept trying to find me a boyfriend left and right. (lol). Feeling a little pressured and embarrassed, I decided to join a Christian dating app called “Upward”. I figured at the very least, I could make some friends.

Three days later I had my very first date with my husband.

Immediately, my role within my purpose shifted. I felt another prayer answered. Right off the bat, we didn’t want to date, as he had only been single for about a month or so. So we decided to be friends. Which turned into best friends. Which eventually led to us taking multiple trips to different states together within a month’s time frame. And from there I thought he was being flirty, so I kissed him and he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I remember the beginning time of our friendship being SO fruitful. The entire time we prayed and constantly asked God to guide and guard our hearts (as we still do), and it proved to be so important to each of us. As we grew closer, we started to realize God was revealing things we had prayed for in our future spouses and we were finding it in one another. Our roles shifted again. I started to become more focused on what things I needed to grow in and how to be a good girlfriend in a Godly relationship. It was all brand new to both of us.

Moving forward to now, I am twenty-five and officially 55 days from becoming Owen’s wife. Engagement season has been 1000% different than I anticipated. I thought it would be all fun. I thought learning to be a good wife would be fun. Turns out, you learn to be a good wife through lots of arguments, different growing situations and premarital counseling. My role had to change again. My direction had to change. I am now working toward the role of being a Godly wife and supporting Owen to be a Godly husband. And as each life stage happens, so will our roles within our purpose change. However, the overall goal in my purpose has always been the same.

Grow closer to Christ and then be a living breathing reflection of that love.

When you look back at the end of your life, what do you want it to be about? What do you want to be responsible for helping create or exist?

My answer? I want to be responsible for leading others to Christ through love and kindness. I want to be responsible for being the reason that I have children who grew up knowing the beauty in the love of Christ and who go out and share that same love.

So what is your purpose?